I have not posted in a while, and now I have decided to share some experience in working from home for everyone who is self-isolating right now. This is a list of really terrible advice for working from home.
Ditch the schedule
Since you do not have to show up to the office, why bother? This is finally a time when you can stay up to 5am and wake up after lunch. Sure, your coworkers might not follow this style, but that is their problem, really.
Also, you will not be as productive, but these are tough times, no one expects you to be. Throw away all alarm clocks and close the drapes, it is time to hack your biological clock.
Since you are now staying home, this is time to multitask. All this talk about people not being able to multitask is rubbish, really. There is no reason why you can’t have Netflix open on the second screen during a meeting or doing chores while assigning tasks.
Finally, there is no one standing over your shoulder to make sure you are not distracted, so make the most of it and distract yourself away! Make sure to turn on the volume on your phone so you do not miss that challenge delegation on Instagram.
Work in bed
Why would you want a dedicated workplace? Not like offices had any success with it. Instead, try working on your bed or another comfy surface.
This ensures that you keep your movement to a minimum and gain enough fat to make it through these tough times. Also, it will help you further wreck your sleep schedule as your bed will not be associated with sleep anymore.
Just imagine how much time you can save by not cooking meals. Instead, order some Big Macs from your food delivery service and let minimal wage professionals handle your nutritional needs.
Since you are not moving and not even leaving the house, what is the point in being healthy anymore, right? Not like it will affect your productivity and mental health, so do not worry.
Do not socialize
What do you not understand about social distancing? Obviously it means do not communicate with anyone, be it IRL or online.
This way you will limit your exposure to all the corona talk and be oblivious to what is happening. Also, the feeling of loneliness will only further improve your fragile mental health and productivity. That means no online meetups or conferences for you!
Go on a vacation
Now, the economy is crippled, businesses are closing, crime rates are growing. Obviously this is no time to do work. Take a break for at least a month and let the others figure out what to do.
Even better, go somewhere abroad, since the plane tickets are so cheap right now. There will not be a chance like that in a long time!
Do not learn anything
Putting extra loads on your brain may result in you becoming smarter. Of course, no one wants that. You might realize how f***ed we are right now and start doing something.
So for the foreseeable future, add websites like LinkedIn Learning, Udemy, and Coursera to your blacklist. If you are a student, make sure to not attend any remote lectures, they will be just a waste of time.
Bonus: an actual helpful tip
Do the exact opposite of everything I listed above. Obviously, I am being ironic and you should do none of these things if you want to make it through quarantine. Thank you for reading and please share your ways of coping with the ongoing epidemic in the comments!